fawn

by Keeper

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1.
teeth 04:41
you are a wolf, i am a fawn. do you want me in your teeth? i didn’t think it would go on this long but i don’t want anyone to save me. you could have any dear or darling that you wanted so i wasn’t honest because i didn’t know what to do. i just like to pretend that there was a chase because honey — i would run from you all day. do you do you want me in your teeth? i wasn’t alone and you weren’t afraid of what would happen if i got too close so i’d dream of your breath, the way you made me weak and what i would like to do most. do you do you want me in your teeth? i’m not scared of you but maybe i should have been. you found me much too young and faithful. i don’t know why i let you retreat, but we both were much too careful.
2.
my hands have scars. on the road i wondered if they’d disappear with nothing but highway i wondered if i could leave any place untouched. i lay awake on the floor with someone next to me not shy, not weak but i’d never mention anything and in the night everything is silent next to you but i had pride — i was fragile then and you were fragile too now i wear it like a scar, i think of you every little kindness magnified a hundred times and in my dreams i am wide awake in california and we don’t sleep: we watch the sunrise come out from behind the stars you don’t look at me, you look at the mountains out before us i feel so young, i feel like nothing could ever stop us you dont need to know the truth i was following your lead like you were right there next to me, but i am nothing but a sheep in wolf’s clothing i am harmless oh i swear if you would just let me get near if you would just let me repair the damage i have done
3.
"goodbye to all that." i spent the winter on my side i kept love waiting bruising your heart but not my pride in hidden places i was looking for answers “southern hospitality” — I think I will recover. you should have known that i wasn’t ready but you are not the kind to weigh out your identity. honest but incomplete. my life is a pattern. you waited patiently, planting your atom. but i’m just a “backup” for when you get sick of the heartache. i am going north i am leaving you in my wake. you should have known that you weren’t ready. tried to hold my hand that night while i was waiting for somebody. just ugly enough to get caught in your sights but you won’t be able to make me feel small i don’t want to know what your dad said on the phone i will fall asleep with no one by my side. you should have known. goodbye to all that.
4.
two trains 04:28
“two trains sitting side by side” : your metaphor is relevant but wrong and i — well i know i’ve done you bad i didn’t want to fall back like i always do. you’ve got a smile that i can’t shake and i’ve got a truth i cannot hide we sweat under lights, under alcohol i wish i had bitten both our tongues well i got what i wanted but i didn’t get under your skin so cut me in half and affix me to your body (and then when you’re done cover me up) you’ll move away to the other side of the country; i will recover and fall back. you once had hands like a body of water: come in, and recede, and turn to ice. you said that i was “stuck in my ways” but i wasn’t stuck: i just wasn’t trying to play nice i got what i wanted, and when i wanted to i took flight.

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written & recorded by marissa lorusso in various bedrooms in MA & DC.

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released September 30, 2015

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Keeper Washington, D.C.

sad songs you can feel good about.

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